Monday, June 30, 2014

Queery: Bronies, Asexuals and Straight People

The Q in LGBTQ has always bugged me.  Whether you define it as “Queer” or “Questioning,” that fucking Q is ambiguous as shit.  The term Queer is anything outside of the social parameter of normativity, while questioning is, well, let’s face it—life is nothing without questions.  That damn Q can literally mean ANYTHING!

Okay, so maybe it DOES have a place in our spectrum of pride. 

The truth is sex and sexuality is more than just skin deep.  Sex penetrates the deepest, darkest regions of our brains, brightens our prefrontal cortex like an orgasmic Christmas tree.  Sex binds us together at the molecular level and connects us as humans.  And at the same time sexuality is all-encompassing; it can be confusing and scary.  Lots of crazy shit is happening inside us when we’re sexually aroused, or when we slip into the skin of our identified gender.  And that vulnerability both connects and detaches us from the world around it.  I mean, let’s face it: society doesn’t make it any easier for any of us.  As much as society worries over and controls my cock, you’d think their arm would be tired by now—or at least that they’d switch hands.

So today I am celebrating the Q, in its entire queer splendor, with three groups I feel embody what it is to be queer in this society.  Whether you and I understand it or not is unimportant.  Pride Month is about otherness, something I think we can all relate too.  It’s about acceptance, tolerance and inclusiveness.    
Pride IS the Q and the Q is us.

And cheers to us! 


There is a wave of rainbow magic sweeping the nation.  It has claimed such people like John de Lancie (Q from Star Trek), and my brother-in-law Jon.  At its heart, this group has nothing to do with gender or sexuality, but it does embody everything LGBT Pride strives to accomplish—love, tolerance and community.
When the children’s cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic first aired, even the voice actors were taken aback by the show’s instant popularity.  Not by the kids…nay.  It was the adults galloping and rearing and whinnying their way to the front of the lines just to get a little taste of the magic.  They had even given themselves a name:


I’ll admit that when my brother-in-law first came out as a Brony, I had a “What the fuck are you talking about?” moment.  It was the craziest thing I had ever heard of, and I have heard some shit.  But now I realize it isn’t crazy.  Queer as hell, but not crazy.

Bronies represent the ostracized in our culture, a people on the fringe of society with hearts full of love and grace and respect with nobody to share it.  So, like in the show, Bronies have taken control of their own magic.  They have banded together in a proverbial herd and formed their own subculture of creative, talented individuals who share their heart for community.  And their love knows no bounds, whether it is Applejack or you.  In essence, love is their power to defeat the crazy ass real-life Discord that seems all too mighty until somebody starts making some noise.

So here’s to the Bronies far and wide!  Keep doing you, and the world will be a better place for it.  Now come on you queer sons of mares…give me some hoof.


Nobody embodies the queer community more than asexuals.  For those who may not be familiar with this group of people, an asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction.  Defined in the DSM-IV as hypoactive sexual desire disorder, society (myself included) would label these people as broken.  Who DOESN’T want to fuck, right?    

Asexuals, that’s who.

And they’re tired of all of us telling them they’re missing out.
While I myself have criticisms to the asexual movement, I can fundamentally agree with them on one thing:
Society tells us to fuck.

Sex sells.  Turn on a TV or computer.  Everywhere we look someone else is telling us how to look, to act, to fuck…or not fuck, as is the case with asexuals.  And because of this absence of sexual desire, we assume the asexual must be a miserable shell of a person.  But that isn’t the case.  

According to The Asexual Visibility and Education Network, “Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else and, like in the sexual community, we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs.”  Alfred Kinsey even had a place on his scale for the asexual community, determining about 1% of the population identified as asexual.  Today, research into asexuality remains scarce.  This is due primarily to the asexual community standing up and demanding that there is nothing wrong or “broken” about them.

And good for you asexuals! 

Just because our culture tells you to fuck your brains out doesn’t mean you’re messed up because you don’t.  Fucking leads to a host of shit that can often decimate otherwise beautiful relationships.  Focus instead on the relationships you hold most dear.  In the end, that is the only unrequited love that matters.  And never stop celebrating, you beautiful asexual beasts.  You are here and you are queer—and the rest of us can just get used to it.


In his new book American Savage, Dan Savage discusses why straight people should hold their own straight pride.  But they don’t need their own pride.  They can just hop on the love train with the rest of us.  After all, is there anything queerer than being strictly heterosexual?  Alfred Kinsey himself determined only about 10% of men are strictly straight or gay.  Overall, though, Kinsey discovered something far more significant about human sexuality:

It is a characteristic of the human mind that tries to dichotomize in its classification of phenomena….Sexual behavior is either normal or abnormal, socially acceptable or unacceptable, heterosexual or homosexual; and many persons do not want to believe that there are gradations in these matters from one to the other extreme.”
In short, Kinsey’s report determined that sexuality is fluid.  One cannot simply label themselves one thing and simply adhere to those classifications.  But that is exactly what society expects from the heterosexual individual.  They provide these stereotypical prototypes by which straight people should adhere, and anything outside of that paradigm is scrutinized to determine the hetero-ness of the individual. 

“You married?” 


“You at least seeing someone?” 

“What’s his/her name?” 

Essentially what they’re saying is:

"Who are you fucking and is it a guy or girl?" 

But what about the rising number of people deciding not to marry?  Or the women choosing not to have children?  What about that single guy you know whose best friend is a gay guy?  Is he gay?  Straight? 

Does it matter?

Absolutely not!  The only thing that matters is YOU, and you are a beautiful queer creature whether you know it or not.  You are judged harsher and on a much greater scale than the rest of us, and for that you deserve to be celebrated.  

So here's to you straight people.      

Happy Pride!!

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