Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Backdoor Breakdown

August is Anal Sex Month.  Did anyone else miss that memo?  I only learned about it today when I was listening to one of the various sex podcasts in my queue.  (Thanks, Sex Nerd Sandra!)  But Anal Sex Month isn’t like Masturbation May, Gay Pride June or Asexual Awareness October.   Anal Sex Month has been around since 1927, brought to you for decades by the proud sponsor Bung Balm:  It’s Bung-tastic! Oh, would that I lived in the roaring 20s! 

Of course, back then anal sex was seen as the safer alternative to premarital coitus.  Heaven forbid a girl’s chaste was ruined before her wedding night, or worse, she turned up pregnant before he put a ring on it.  So, to save the female virtue, women were encouraged to bend over and take one for the team.  And not just horny straight women.  Lesbians and gay men were encouraged to get in on the action too.  Hell, no babies were coming from that tom-foolery.

What was once considered taboo has since become so mainstream that in 2005 the CDC reported that about 40% of men and 35% of women have had butt sex at some point in their relationships.  Quite a leap from the meager 11% Kinsey reported in the 30’s and 40’s .  But with all of this butt stuff going on, there are still misconceptions about the practice, pleasure and hygiene of anal sex.  While not a taker myself (full discloser, I didn’t even think the ass was hot until I met my husband), I am still a proud practitioner.   So here are some standard things I’ve come to learn about taking it up the butt:

1.  It’s a mess down there.

There’s really no way of getting around it.  When we talk about butt stuff, we also need to talk about poop.  And shit happens, boys and girls.  It’s not pretty, and can be downright embarrassing at times.  But the anus serves a particular biological function, and that is to excrete waste through the same hole you may want filled.  For some people, the thought of poop-dick is enough to turn them off to the whole idea of butt play.  But there are plenty of ways to combat Mother Nature, and here are a few:

Ø  Shower
Ø  Douche
o   Admittedly, this one is a bit tricky.  Douching in any form can damage the natural enzymes within the rectum, and using some sort of hose or attachment can hurt the colon.  Still, there are tools out there if you look in the right places.  So research your options, know your body, and use caution.
Ø  Diet and exercise.
o   What goes in must come out, and fruits and berries and lots of fiber make the whole process that much easier.  Add exercise to the balanced diet mix, and your body is a well oiled machine…almost.

2.  Kiss it before you stick it.

Oral sex is not just for the genitals.  In fact, a tongue in the bum can feel amazing!  Not only does rimming feel good, but it can get the body’s natural juices flowing, relax the sphincter, and make the overall experience more pleasurable.  But again, good hygiene plays a factor.  A clean butt goes a long way, but even the cleanest of holes can harbor unhealthy bacteria and other things just waiting to get into you.  So if you kiss your partner down there, keep the tongue action on the outer ring of the anus.  In other words, stick to the hole.  For one, it’s safer.  And two, there are way more nerve endings outside than there are in.

3.  Lube makes the world go round.

No matter how much you spit on it, lubrication does wonders.  Bung-balm knew the importance of lube, and so do condom companies.  Most condoms come pre-lubricated for his and her pleasure.  Not only does it feel better for the top and bottom, but it reduces the tearing that can occur during anal intercourse.  It literally makes the whole experience smoother, so use lube.  Water-based lubricants are more practical.  Once it feels like it’s wearing off just spit in your hand and you’re back in business.  There are also a number of flavored lubes, if you’re feeling particularly frisky.  Pick from kiwi-strawberry, chocolate or...bacon?  There is a fucking bacon flavored lube, people! 

America!  Am I right?

So there it is…my backdoor breakdown.  You don’t have to be gay to be into butt stuff.  In fact, research shows more and more people are opening up to the idea.  Still, there is a pleasurable way and a not so pleasurable way to do it.  You cannot just cram it in and expect your partner to be legs up and raring to go.  Good butt sex takes time, especially if it is your first time.  Take a bath.  Light a candle. Maybe throw some music on to set the mood.  And then grab the lube and make sure your partner is ready for the ride.  Otherwise, the anal boat will sink before it ever leaves the port, and anal sex month will be ruined.  For you, at least.  I’m about to go celebrate right now.

Happy Anal Sex Month!

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