Wednesday, January 21, 2015


Once again the female body has been called into question.  An article published late last year in The Journal of Sexual Medicine declared defiantly that female ejaculation—or “squirting”—was in fact, piss.  Conveniently, this study conducted out of France happened to coincide with a new censorship law out of the UK banning female ejaculate, among other kinks, in pornography.

More on that in a moment.

For far too long female sexuality has been regarded with mistrust, myth, denial, and a maelstrom of diabolical methods in which to suppress it.  Even today, people still try to find a way to combat that all-too-often malevolent and misunderstood vagina.  So let’s look at what the science and the haters have to say about the squirt.  

The Science

10 – 50% of women experience a strong female ejaculation—also recognized as “squirting”—during orgasm.  That’s a lot of room to fill, though since most of the stats are based on various questionnaires it is understandable. 

Sexual pioneers (and personal heroes!) Alfred Kinsey, William Masters and Virginia Johnson all misinterpreted the powerful ejaculate during female orgasm as extra vaginal fluid secreted by the paraurethral, or Skene’s glands.  These little buggers are located on the anterior wall of the vagina around the lower end of the urethra and are often referred to as the female prostrate.  Like the male prostate, stimulating this gland produces a milky white fluid not unlike male ejaculate. 

The squirt that has everyone’s hackles raised, though, doesn’t come from the Skene’s glands.  It comes from the urethra.  This “new”study—which is really old hat since people have been looking at this stuff since the 80s—surveyed 7 self-proclaimed “squirters” before and after orgasm.  Researchers made them pee before the experiment then, seeing their bladders were empty, set them to work.  Just before the moment of truth, observers noticed the bladder refill and empty again as the participants’ pleasure rushed forth. 

The conclusion:

“…monitoring and biochemical analysis indicate that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions of the emitted fluid often exists.”

A “marginal amount” if they mean the ejaculate dilutes the “urine” so much that it neither looks, nor smells like pee.  And even if it was, who cares?  Sex is messy and sometimes you get a little on you.  What better than one of the most sanitary wastes the human body produces?  Just ask Dan Savage...or any piss queen out there.

Hashtags and Haters

After the study was published, a number of women took to Twitter to express their outrage with the hashtag #notpee.  Others, undoubtedly, crossed their legs, determined to dry it up down there—to never squirt again.  It is sad to think of the number of women already ashamed of their body’s natural response to sex suppressing themselves even further because some French dick says they’re pissing on themselves.  Especially when the science behind the study is riddled with observer bias based on conservative-driven ideals.

Last year, the British Board of Film Classification ordered 6-minutes of footage removed from a movie because it violated the UK’s censorship laws.  Spanking, fisting, and many other kinks were all banned from porn—those snippets probably stuffed away in the judges' spank banks somewhere—but ultimately it was female ejaculation, aka squirting, that drew the court’s ire because, well, they don’t believe in its existence. 

Would that every scientific conundrum was so easily explained away. 

The court’s decision sparked protests outside of London Parliament in which protesters staged a sit in.  That is, they sat on each others’ faces while singing Monty Python’s “Sit on my Face” since the act of face-sitting was also banned from British porn.  There is even a game you can download on your chosen device called “Squirt Alert!”  Essentially your female avatar jerks off all over those dicks in parliament.  According to game developer, Jennifer McEwen:

“We, like many others, quickly noted the hypocrisy of the BBFC’s new anti-femdom porn rules, in particular to female ejaculation…It’s ridiculous that female performers are prohibited from cumming on their co-star’s bodies, while male performers aren’t subject to the same restrictions.”

Meanwhile, back in America where we like our porn as wet and kinky as we can get it, the conversation about female ejaculation took a different turn.  Headlines screamed:


More shame…more misunderstanding surrounding the female genitalia—and all because some man studied 7 women and used their miniscule sample to purport more stereotypes about the female body.  If anything, I would encourage women all over the world to send their squirt to this Doctor Salama.  Here, I’ll make it easy for you:
Samuel Salama, MD
Department of Obstetric and Gynaecology
Hospital Prive de Parly 2
21 rue Moxouris
Le Chesnay 78150, France

At least then the good doctor will have a bigger sample to work with and might pull some decent science out of his ass.  And even if Salama did find definitively that your squirt was 100 % piss, do it anyways.  Do you think we men would stop cumming if science suddenly declared we were actually pissing.  No, we’d go around pissing on anyone at anytime and in any place, and those asshole judges out of the UK wouldn’t have a problem with it.  But when men cum, we know it’s not piss.  And neither is yours.

So squirt away ladies.  No shame.  No guilt.  And if you’re not really a squirter, that’s okay too.  We’re all like precious sexy snowflakes—no two the same.  Embrace your body.  Your sexuality.  And cum however the hell you want to cum. 

Until next time…

Je suis Charlie.