Monday, September 14, 2015

Missing: Short and Curly

There is a reason that humans developed pubic hair.  Aside from being a visible sign of sexual maturation, pubic hair more than likely added an extra level of protection to our sexy bits that kept the genitals warm and cozy and safe from exposure so that human kind could go on fucking for our survival for millennia to come.  In fact, compared to other mammals, humans tend to be the only ones in the animal kingdom with pubic hair—at least, the short and curly variety.   

But something is happening to the short and curlies that nature gave us.  We are lopping our pubes off like a bunch of colonizing deforesters.  And for what?  To look like a kid again?  Are people so ashamed of aging they’re willing to strip every vestige of it from their bodies?  And the trend doesn’t seem to be slowing down. An article for Scientific America outlines two studies which found that among female undergraduates 76% trimmed their bush, and both gay and straight men alike have manscaped at least once (82% and 66% respectively).    

Pubic shaving, or depilation, isn’t a new phenomenon.  Especially for women, whose appearances have always been subject to the scrutiny of men.  Ancient Egyptians, Greeks, the Romans, they all viewed a clean-shaven pussy as a mark of beauty.  And since the razor wouldn’t be invented for millennia to come, I can just imagine what kind of living hell that must have been.  Manscaping, as it is, wouldn’t be a social phenomenon for a long, long time.  And to be quite honest:

I’m pissed about it.

Yes, I realize they’re your pubes and you’ll shave if you want to.  And I encourage you all to do just that if it makes you feel better about your crotch—or pits, or legs.  The last thing we need in this country is another loudmouth demanding society conforms to a singular idea of beauty.  But let’s deconstruct the reason everyone is shaving their junk these days.

People tell me all the time it’s more sanitary.  Hair traps sweat and bacteria and we certainly don’t want that.  Except, sweat and bacteria are as natural to humans as, say, body hair.  And nobody’s shaving their heads anytime soon to keep things sanitary.  Instead, we wander into the bathroom and wash our asses.  Soap and water work wonders!  I can’t help but think it’ll do the same for your stank, bacteria-ridden pits too.  Never mind the pheromones—you know, those hormones that get us all randy and in the mood—that we're scraping away with each short and curly that falls to the wayside.

More telling, I think, is that a clean-shaven body is more aesthetically pleasing.  Especially here in the west, where we still purview women and their bodies as political chess pieces.  Men are no different, our bodies and masculinity deemed something to be defended at all costs.  Some researchers believe it is these unrealistic standards that lead men and women alike to do any number of body augmentation, including shaving their pubes.  One study I found compared body hair depilation between sexes, concluding body hair trimming is more of a social construct for women, while men tend to compare their body hair patterns to those of other men and thus make a decision based on what they see and hear within their own social circles. 

“Together these findings may further buttress the argument that body depilation is strongly socially normative for women, more so than for men, and that men may engage in greater levels of comparison in order to make decisions about the appearance of their body hair such that a hairless appearance is not yet as normative for men as it is for women.”

It seems almost inescapable, these standards of beauty, that have been shoveled down our throats for so long and make so many of us so susceptible to all the social scrutiny that accompanies them.   

Of course, I’m bias. 

Body hair is kind of my fetish. 

Not to the point that I need to bury my face in a guy’s hairy chest to get off.  The arousal scale just goes up a notch or two if I see hair there…and everywhere else.  And it’s not like those smooth-shaven twinks out there don't have a lot to offer.  I just mourn the loss of the pubic hair they’ve just barely sprouted before lopping it all off.  Give me an otter, or a cub, or a bear, oh my!  I mean, someone has to stand up against the deforestation of human kind.  I can’t be the only one, right? 

Until next time you hairy beasts...