Thursday, August 17, 2017

Anally Yours



It's August!  Summer is almost over and people are beginning to amp up for all the fuckery that takes place over the winter.  And with all that fucking comes a little butt stuff . . . if you're into it.

August has been deemed "anal sex August" by folks who want to promote the various ways sex looks. Like yours truly!  And I have had a number of people coming at me lately asking about, well, butts. Their butts. Their partner's butt. And since it has been awhile since I've posted something about ass play, I figured it was time.

First of all I need to reiterate for the cis, hetero fellas that may be reading this:

No, having your butt played with does not make you gay.

You'd think in 2017 people would be more exploratory with their bodies. But, alas, we have all seen the things that 2017 should have put behind us.  So if you are a straight male in the shower sometime, go ahead, reach behind you and give yourself the finger. Like it or hate it, you'll learn a little something about your body you might not have known before.

That being said, to the gay guys out there urging us "tops" to take it up the butt . . . please stop that shit.  Some of us have learned enough about our bodies to know what we do and do not like.  And some of us are NOT bottoms.  I, for one, have given it a good go.  And yes, once in awhile I like to touch my own b-hole. That does not mean I want to take an unyielding erection inside of me.  And that is okay. There are other things we can do with our butts.  Butt sex DOES NOT have to be penetrative.  In fact, just the opening of the anus contains a shit ton (pardon the pun) of nerve endings that feel fucking awesome to the touch.  Tongues and fingers and some toys are an awesome way to explore this sensitive, often taboo part of the body.  And since I mentioned it, let's talk about some of that taboo.

Yes, sometimes poop happens, but sex IS messy. There are fluids and the such flying around. I once sucked a guy's dick and hurled, to which he urged me to finish him off. Not because he was into vomit (though that is a thing) but because he was horny. And us humans have this uncanny, evolutionary ability to kind of disregard the gross aspects of sex in the pursuit of getting ours. As psychologist Jesse Bering (2013) explains in his book Perv: The Sexual Deviant in all of Us:

"When the system works smoothly, sexual arousal can serve to anesthetize the otherwise adaptive disgust response long enough for people to get on with the Darwinian business of reproduction (Bering, 2013)."

Bering says this after discussing a study looking at hetero and, probably cis-identified undergrads in Denmark in which "most of the males said they'd be willing to taste a woman's breast milk if they were aroused" while women said they "could see themselves ingesting semen if they were hot and bothered."  But take away those tinglies in our thingies and nothing's getting ingested—or inserted—no way, no how.  Being horny seems to make us forget all about the dirty aspects of sex—premenstrual blood, seminal fluid . . . poop—in order to get on with the real business of giving someone the business.  There are ways, though, to safeguard yourself against any accidental poop mishaps.

Anal douching is a safe way to clean out your bum.  YouTube personality and educator Davey Wavey actually has a terrific video on anal douching you can watch here. In a nutshell, grab yourself a douche online (My husband recommend the Shower Shot), fill it with warm tap water, squirt it up your anus in a way that accommodates your insides, and then it is toilet time.  Wash. Rinse. Repeat.  In a pinch, Wavey suggests a water bottle.  My husband used a restaurant-style ketchup bottle for years before he invested in the Shower Shot.  He's never looked back.

Douching, however, is more of an advanced ass play level thing to do.  Folks who are douching have probably already tasted cock and want some more.  I suggest beginners start slow. Fingers work well.  There are also a number of toys available out there in various shapes and sizes to accommodate all of your anal needs and desires.  When it comes to toys, however, what works for your partner might not necessarily work for you.  Shop around, and have fun with it.  Most importantly, research whatever it is you are about to put up your butt. 

According to Burke Denning of Kinsey Confidential (2013) sex toys aren't regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency, which means some might not be safe for your body.  Some sex toys are made with something called phthalates which are a class of "chemical plasticizers . . . The EPA has deemed possible human carcinogens, and they have also been linked to neurological and reproductive issues."  Phthalates are also what tends to make a toy softer and more flexible, and more porous, which can turn your favorite dildo into a beehive of bacteria.  And here's the real kick in the ass:

Since the EPA doesn't regulate sex toys, you can't trust the packaging . . . even if it says "phthalate-free" the manufacturer could be lying. 

Instead, seek out trusted retailers like The Pleasure Chest, which has been around since the ‘70s and whose staff has the in for all things butt stuff . . . as I discovered when I called them.  According to the staff member I spoke with, any sex toy around the $20 range is probably not going to be good for your pooper.  Sometimes you have to shell out some bucks to give your ass what it craves.  Also, look for toys made with medical silicone, as it is not porous and can be cleaned with simple soap and water.  And if you’re looking for a good prostate orgasm, I hear Aneros is where it’s at.  Most important of all, though . . . lube, lube, lube.       

One last thing:

There is a lot more that goes into butt sex than the occasional toy or dick . . . like shame and guilt.  People forget folks have been fucking each other up the butts as long as people have been fucking.  When researching this piece I ran across various sources criticizing a June article from Teen Vogue titled "A Guide to Anal Sex."  According to NBC one woman who calls herself "The Activist Mommy" filmed herself burning a physical copy of the magazine despite the article only being published online before asking you to like and subscribe to her butt-phobia.  I think it's important to note that unless "mommy" modernizes her archaic beliefs about sex, one of her kids is probably going to end up taking lots of cum in the butt . . . or the vagina, in which Activist Mommy will become Activist Grandmommy, and eventually Activist Great-Grandmommy - her final form.

The time of letting others tell us how to feel about and experience our bodies is at an end.  Sex is natural, fun, messy, and it can look a lot of different ways.  So go forth, my precious pervs!  Do your research and love your butt. Your butt will love you back. And if not, you'll have at least learned a little something about yourself you might not have known before.  But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself.  And most importantly, have fun with your bum.

Cheers!

References:

Bering, J.  2013.  Perv: The sexual deviant in all of us.  New York: Scientific American